Confirmation

Yesterday it was confirmed that the pregnancy had self terminated, the embryo was at some point reabsorbed before its heart was ever beating. Im glad to be alive, and healthy and to have only had to deal with, what I have so far. Losing a baby that had really already started to grow etc and then losing it would have been horrible to deal with the loss of it. Anyhow on to brighter pastures. :) Luck and love. Click here to hear the song that got me through this all.

Bad News?

Yesterday was suppose to be a much better day than it turned out to be. Yesterday was or first Dr. appointment. We were suppose to see the heartbeat, but we didnt. Dr. Wilson caught a glimpse of what we thought would have shown the heartbeat, but it was at a weird angle. We were able to see an abnormally shaped Yolk sac. It was much more ovular than normal, and she said that a heartbeat should have been there, as the size of the sac should have put me at about 6 weeks. So, we were prepared to expect the worst. By Thursday we will get the results of the 48 hour bloodwork that will test my HCG levels, and if they are not as high as they should be, then it can be safe to say that it was a miscarriage. Levels start at zero and double every two days, therefore I should be at about 1200 or higher. Its minutely possible that its just a late bloomer, but last night when I went to the bathroom at midnight, there was some bright red spotting when I wiped. Then this morning it was brown. I havent gotten a period yet, and sometimes spotting can present itself in a normal pregnancy, but I cant help but not let myself think either way about it. 

I cried for a moment when I went to bed. It has to be the hormones. I mean its incredibly sad, but I know why pregnancies self terminate. It means something is wrong, and I have to say I would rather any of this happen sooner than later in a pregnancy. We have another appointment for this coming Monday. Worst case scenario, we will move on, we will be thankful for Josie and Avery, and if we get pregnant again and it sticks we will be happier than if we hadnt gone through a miscarriage. 

We will see what happens. Im going to take it easy today. It cant hurt any :)

Click here for the song

oh brother, or sister? hahahah

So, yesterday we found out that we are expecting again. My second pregnancy. I was shocked and happy yet a little in disbelief. I mean we agreed on another baby, yet we don"t really try or not try, as to not put too much pressure either way on it. It will happen when it happens, right? Well probably around St. Patrick's Day it happened. The same time when my nephew was born. :) I'm happy to say that I at least enjoyed my last weekend of not knowing I was pregnant because it was too soon, but I had 2 Guiness and relaxed in their hot tub lol. Oh well, those things will again be put on hold until a later day, post pregnancy. So many things are different this go round. I am not as nervous as I was with my pregnancy with Josie. I think its because I know more, I don't have to get use to going from just me to always caring for a baby. I am use to that. Josie is getting to a fairly independent stage. She will be 2 and a half when the baby arrives. The due date should be around December 9 or sometime around there. Of course I want to know the gender. I feel like if I know what the gender is, then it helps me to connect with the baby. It makes it easier to prepare for things too, like if its a girl then we have mostly everything we will need, but maybe a baby shower if its a boy. I think Josie will love being a big sister. She does so well around babies, and likes to be a little mama herself :) I have from now until December for us to have a lot of good one on one time, make her really feel loved, and for her to enjoy the last remaining days of her being the center of my attention. 

I am crossing my fingers but not holding my breath that this pregnancy will be a little more enjoyable. I was sooo tired, and nauseated, and then towards the end i had a bladder infection that killed my back, but it took a while to get diagnosed so people thought I complained a lot. Maybe since I am not working at a job where I need to be presentable and out the door by 6am. I am hoping that I will be able to take it easier if need be, and really try to enjoy more of the pregnancy, with Josie.